A curious thing is happening. And like all truly great things it is not happening as a response to what some corporation or ad agency wants from our behavior. When the corporate world has their way with our heads, the results are good for profits but bad for us, period. Have you ever bought something that was foisted on you as being the latest, hottest, newest, whatever- only to look back with shame at how horribly stupid you look? Leg warmers or parachute pants, anyone? Shana: (Nobody told him leg warmers are making a comeback.)
Shana: Over-sized neon sweaters, Z. Cavaricci jeans, feathered hair and of course ratted bangs! Yes, I hang my head in shame.
The greatest case in point for this corporate violation is the metrosexual.
The original definition for this abomination was this; “Metrosexual man, the single young man with a high disposable income, living or working in the city (because that’s where all the best shops are), is perhaps the most promising consumer market of the decade. In the Eighties he was only to be found inside fashion magazines such as GQ, in television advertisements for Levi’s jeans or in gay bars. In the Nineties, he’s everywhere and he’s going shopping.”
In other words, metrosexual men love to shop for fashion and personal products, like moisturizer and mousse for their hair but they are straight, not gay. They take just as long, if not longer than their women to get ready to go out. They look like they fell out of GQ at all times and even obsess about becoming more GQ. They buy their furnishings based on trendy European design magazines and can actually tell you, with passion what Feng Shui is.
Shana: If a man is out shopping as long as you…it should only be because he’s patiently waiting for you in the man chair! And come on guys, if you know anything about fashion….it should only be because when you tried to wear white socks with your black pants on your best friend’s wedding day…..she went off on you for 20 minutes about when and where to never wear white socks. (Not that I’ve done that or anything.)
The metrosexual man wears make-up or has at least thought about the need for a good eye shadow or concealer for men. And it is only the metrosexual man than would ever consider buying a mankini or mantyhose. Yeah, follow the link- I double-dog dare you.
Shana: I on the other hand will caution against it…as I threw up a little bit in my mouth when seeing the pictures.
But that is what the media and corporate culture wants from us; whatever we need to be that will enable us to buy more crap from them. They want us consumed with new gadgets and new fashion. They want us skinny and as UN-masculine as possible. Shana: (Oooh….I love a man in muscles!) That way, they can just design clothes for 12 year old girls that will fit everyone. It’s a win-win.
In actuality though, women haven’t come away from this unscathed. If the metrosexual man is not afraid to be more feminine, the metrosexual woman is in touch with her inner dude. If you are having some issues with seeing this, just think of Angelina Jolie kicking butt in Tomb Raider while looking very fashionable doing it.
Shana: What is with that? Now if you’re a woman, you have to have a six-pack and nice toned biceps. I don’t even own biceps. And as far as the six-pack goes…well, it’s gross.
The idea behind the whole thing is to embrace anti-stereotypical gender roles and buy stuff.
But for many of us there is just something about all of this present weirdness that just sits wrong with us somehow. I may not have a clever answer for why a man shouldn’t wear a hot pink sweater, Shana: (Ooh! Ask me! Ask me!) I just want to beat him about the head and shoulders with it and make him go chop down a tree or something. We may not know exactly why or how but what we do know is that this current progress is really just the opposite and somehow it is stealing something essential from us.
Enter the retrosexual. Shana: Or in other words, ladies, our knights in shining armor!
I am not sure where it began but I know where I began to see some underground changes start to surface. I saw a shift happen in myself with the book Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. Mr. Palahniuk hit a nerve with this one and was effectively pushing some long asleep and dormant part of the male psyche with a really sharp stick. When the movie came out, the mainstream was introduced to some areas of male identity that they wished would have just stayed hidden. But millions of men started to wake up and reject corporate culture for something old and even primal about them as men.
The television show Mad Men has also added to this with their depictions of old school, aged in the barrel qualities of masculinity and femininity that are contrary to the corporate zeitgeist. Ketel One has a series of ads where the guys are all decidedly old school, they are chivalrous, drink vodka neat and dress nicely but it is still unquestionably masculine. In short, we are starting to see the pendulum swing the other way now all around us.
So, what is a retrosexual man anyway? A retrosexual man is a man who embraces the great traits of our ancestors but is smart enough to avoid the bad ones. Someone who emulates Archie Bunker is not retrosexual, he is a jerk. A retrosexual would emulate Paul Newman or Steve McQueen in a heartbeat though. Shana: Love Paul Newman!
So, lets look at some retrosexual traits. These are not an exhaustive list but it is a great start for you guys out there. Let’s go!
He is tough enough and can protect himself and his property as well as his wife and kids. He doesn’t look for fights and may not win every fight if he found himself in one but they would know that he was there, for sure. At the same time, even though he is strong and tough, he would never abuse people in any way- especially a woman. A woman could feel safe around this kind of man.
The retrosexual man is a protector and defender, never a bully. In fact, the second that he sees someone vulnerable being abused, the retro man will feel compelled to act in their defense. And it doesn’t matter to him who it is, be it gay people, sick people, poor people, minorities, majorities- the retro man will come out swinging for the underdog every single time, just to even the odds up a bit for them.
He is gentleman at all times, no matter how politically incorrect it may be. He is softly dominant and decisive, taking the lead but always treating his lady with respect in the process. Too many men today are trapped in an approval seeking state with their woman and are continuously giving up power in order to please them. And that is the message that we are constantly bombarded with- be less of a man so that she will love you. Strangely, just the opposite is true- seek approval, give up power, be less decisive and she will start to hate you.
Shana: I cannot express how true this is. Retrosexual women want a strong, masculine man. Capable, confident, able to make decisions, keeps his word, protective, and of course, he has to be a gentleman.
Of course, this offends some people. But the facts speak for themselves, do any of the things mentioned above and don’t be shocked when she runs off with a bad boy that acts like he doesn’t even like her. True story.
The retrosexual man probably has facial hair and is okay with a cheap haircut that he gets from the same barber all of the time. He doesn’t tip, highlight or frost anything on his head, ever. He uses shampoo that smells clean and might use a little conditioner (for her of course) but that is it.
The retrosexual man is a gentleman. He will always give up his seat for a woman or the elderly and I mean always. He will hold the door for both groups as well, even if they don’t want him to. He thinks of others before himself and goes out of his way to serve those he comes into contact with.
Shana: I love this one. Always, always hold the door! It’s not that women don’t want you to…they just end up doing everything because the man doesn’t. If left to fend for ourselves…we will survive. But we don’t want to fend for ourselves. We want a capable man. They are just hard to come by these days. Is that too harsh?
The retrosexual man will drop his lady off at the door of the store and never make her walk with him, unless it is a shady area and he is protecting her. He will also pick her up at the door so that she doesn’t have to walk around trying to find the car with him for 10 minutes. Well, aren’t they capable of walking, you ask? That’s not the point, Bieber.
The retrosexual man carries all of the groceries, all of the time. Even if it involves 17 bags and adding one more would make him collapse with either a back, knee or groin injury, he would never let anyone see his woman having to carry things because he is too much of a sissy to lift it all.
Shana: Do you sense passion on this one? It’s because he never lets me carry even 1 bag! Even if it’s a package of buns. True story. I’ve tried before, but he chases me down with all his 17 bags across the parking lot. I’ll actually do it just to get at him! It’s hilarious.
The retrosexual man wears steel toe work boots as a fashion accessory, even if he is not working. And he would not trade his Red Wing boots for Italian loafers for all the tea in China. He knows the value of a time tested, comfortable boot and that is good enough for him. An amendment to the above rule is if it is a special occasion or while wearing shorts because while he is rugged, he is not a redneck.
Shana: Nothing hotter than a rugged man with a sexy lumberjack shirt, steel toe boots and a worn pair of jeans that hug his butt (no plumber butts allowed!). Have I said too much? 😉
For casual clothes, the retrosexual man will wear jeans that his wife thinks look good on him but he really couldn’t care less about that himself. Yet he is willing to have some good sense and listen to her on this one because she is the fashion expert in the house. He will always look presentable (not like he is coming from the deer camp) but he will never look like he is trying to look good. It’s just clothes after all.
A retrosexual man keeps his cards held pretty close to his chest at all times. He knows that it is more valuable for his wife and kids if he is strong and wise than for her to know every emotion that he is having. He might be stressed or even scared out of his mind but the only person that will know that is himself. He is a rock for his family and friends and that unruffled demeanor, even in times of crisis, makes him irresistible.
The retrosexual man is self-reliant. No one has to cheer him on in order to get the job done. He can start a business, work hard and can get himself up in the mornings and win at life all on his own, thank you very much. His family knows that he can find a way, even if it comes close to killing him.
The retrosexual man will never sit down on the job and will never allow anyone else to do it around him. That kind of weakness is something that he detests. He shows up for work and works hard because that is what needs done. Even in an office job, the retro man will outperform everyone else around him because self respect demands that he wins.
The retrosexual man lives for a cause greater than himself. He never makes his woman or his kids the cause that he lives for. While he loves them all and they are the reason that he works and provides, he chooses to gather them up around him and point to something bigger, a cause that is worth fighting for. It may be orphans in another country or volunteer work but there is always something noble that fills him with passion and drive. A retro man is a man with a cause bigger than his own life.
Shana: A woman should not be the goal. She will start to despise the relationship if she is the reason you exist. She wants to be with you on an adventure, with a purpose.
A retrosexual man under-promises and over-performs. He doesn’t like bull and won’t tolerate it, especially from himself. And so he is careful about what he says he will do and always tries to deliver more than he said. This was a tough one for me but it is well worth getting to.
Shana: There is so much to be said about being a man of your word. What is a relationship without trust?
A retrosexual man values heirlooms. He wants an old razor that he can pass down, complete with a soap dish. He lives for things that were here before him and will be there after him, as they make him feel tied to other great men of the past. A wallet, a ring, a pen, it doesn’t matter. What matters is its uniqueness and longevity and its old school style that you can’t duplicate with something you buy at Wal-Mart.
A retrosexual man is a sexual expert. He knows his woman’s anatomy and how to please her. He takes charge in the bedroom and gets most of his pleasure from pleasing her. It’s not like he doesn’t want some things for himself, he does. But he knows that taking care of her is what will give him the most satisfaction. For the retro man, leaving her shaking is the goal and he knows that he is more than adequate in that area.
Shana: Whew! It’s hot in here, ladies!
In the same way, a retrosexual man is faithful. He doesn’t look at every woman that passes and his woman doesn’t have to worry about him. He honors and holds his woman as precious and that trust is something sacred to him.
So, hopefully this will give you a good start as you head down the road to becoming fully retrosexual. We will make an attempt to address retrosexual women in an upcoming article. But before we close this out, here are some tips on what is retro that you can begin to work into your life.
Retrosexual Movies:
Cool Hand Luke or anything with Paul Newman. Shana: Love it!!
Bullitt or anything with Steve McQueen
The Quiet Man or anything with John Wayne
Fight Club Shana: Please don’t make me watch this one again!
Pulp Fiction
A Walk in the Clouds (chick movie but very, very retrosexual)
300 Shana: It’s naughty. But I love this movie!
The Patriot
Gladiator Shana: Thanks to my husband, I’ve now seen this movie a million times!
Shana: Hey? Where’s the Expendables?
Retrosexual Sports:
Just about anything but especially the UFC and Football.
Retrosexual Icons:
Paul Newman Shana: I think by now you know I love Paul Newman.
Steve McQueen
Marlon Brando
Johnny Depp
Brad Pitt
Jason Statham
Teddy Roosevelt
Jesus
John Wayne
Jim Elliot and Nate Saint
Jimmy Stewart
Retrosexual Television:
Mad Men Shana: Great show.
Rome Shana: Definitely naughty.
Sons of Anarchy
Fear Factor
ESPN
Any classic show with masculine men or old school values like Gunsmoke or The Mod Squad
Retrosexual Music:
Harry Connick Jr.
Michael Buble
Frank Sinatra Shana: Yes!
Dean Martin
Bobby Darin
Any classic rock from the 70’s Shana: Yes!
Jamie Johnson
George Strait
Waylon Jennings
Johnny Cash
George Jones